I stand at the edge of an impenetrable wall of fog and look into the mist with darkened eyes. Before me is my life to come. Behind me is the life I have lived.
I look behind me and see a trail of pain, of suffering, of regret. I look behind and I see hopes turned to hurt and desires left destitute. I see plans for the future frayed and torn, each fragment tossed and trampled. I see it all and ask, why?
Would it not be better for those good things I desired to have become reality? Would not my life be more satisfying if my plans had not been dashed? Why must my heart be wrung and laid bare? Why must I endure the flames of this life? Why?
I look ahead and see that foggy wall, and I crumble under a weight of uncertainty. From my murky vantage I see but shadows moving far in the distance, unstable in shape with blurry edges. The days to come are but dim textures far off. I grasp for something certain but find myself clutching the wind.
The darkness ahead of me is overwhelming. I am crushed. I am broken.
I cannot know the fine details of Your purposes. I cannot know why You have shaped my life as it is. I cannot know why the outcome is so. Yet this I know: You are God, i am man.
Your ways are not my ways and Your thoughts are not my thoughts. Your purposes transcend my finite existence. They rise above the heavens to inhabit eternity.
You are sovereign. What You plan, none can thwart. What You declare, none can nullify. For You are in the heavens and You do whatever You please. Nothing transpires apart from Your will. By Your will I was brought into this world, and by Your hand I am guided along the path I walk.
You are wise. All You do brings about perfect ends by perfect means. You do all for Your own sake. Your glory You will not give to another. There is no greater end than for all glory, all honor, all praise to be ascribed to Your name.
You are good. Righteousness permeates all You do for You are the essence of righteousness. No one can attribute evil to You. You author only that which is perfect. The evil of this world is but a tool in Your holy hand to accomplish absolute good.
How could I ever doubt Your ways? Your sovereignty, Your wisdom, Your goodness are extended towards me in the fullest measure. For You are my Father and I am Your child, adopted into a family knit together by the love of Christ.
I know that You will never fail to uphold Your promises. You have declared that all things work together for my good. What a wonder it is that my greatest good should be included in Your plan for maximal glory! What a comfort it is that all Your dealings with me are filtered through Your love. For I am no longer a child of wrath, but a child of God!
Were my life different, it would be a lesser life than the one I live now. It would be a life that fails to achieve my greatest good and bring You the most glory. I am exactly where You have placed me, exactly where You want me.
I may not know why my path is through these fires, but I will gladly walk through them as You burn away the dross of my life, as You refine me into the image of Your Son. I may not know what future days You have written for me, but I will trust in Your plans.
Oh my Lord, take away my discontentment, my covetousness, my fear, my worry. Teach me to rejoice in trials. Teach me to exult even when life departs from the path I desire. Teach my soul to rest in Your sweet embrace when the world rages around me.
I will walk into the darkness of this life knowing I am led by Your eternal light.